'He needs a break from work, kids, finances': Wife refuses to allow husband on solo vacation to country where he had an affair the previous year, claims she'll leave if it goes ahead

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  • Am I wrong for telling my husband I'll leave if he goes on his solo vacation?

    a man standing waist deep in a swimming pool, wearing goggles
  • To give some context: last year, my husband took a trip to another country under the guise of a solo mental health vacation. In reality, he was having an affair and met up with another woman.
  • a woman sitting on a couch hugging a cushion
  • Fast forward a year. We've both been trying to work on things individually and as a couple. Recently, he mentioned wanting to return to that same country, saying he loved it and needs a mental break from work, kids, finances...
  • He insists his intentions are different this time and promises he's not going back for the same reasons. Still, I told him no. I don't feel comfortable with it, and I've made it clear that if he goes, I will leave. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. So am I being an a h_le, he's making me feel like I'm just being overly dramatic.
  • a man relaxing in a jacuzzi with goggles on his head
  • Commenters did not tiptoe around how they felt about this relationship.

    thatOneBl1p Cheating destroys trust in a relationship and it takes work to get it back. He doesn't seem to realize the gravity of what he's done if he thinks you'll just shrug your shoulders at another "solo vacation" when he's using the same excuses as last time. NTA. This is a fair dealbreaker.
  • Minimum-Valuable4252 Are you the a hole? No. Are you a silly goose for not breaking up with him after he cheated on you the first time? Maybe. The fact that he even has the temerity to ask to go there again shows you what a despicable man he is.
  • Lazzykittygirl He already used a solo trip as cover to cheat of course you don't trust him heading back to the same place alone. If he actually valued rebuilding your trust, he'd plan a vacation with you
  • Simple-Intention5014 Hold the line.
  • Dependent-Fee-3671 Lol. Sorry, I don't mean to be an a hle. I understand people can be so blinded by their emotions and manipulations by their loved ones, but this is a pretty open and shut case OP. You can't stop him from going but you are under no obligation to abide his incredibly thoughtless, callous even, and disrespectful decision. It's a miracle you stayed in the first place. Go find someone who appreciates you and adds to your love and your life.
  • bitty20 NTA. Your husband is delusional. He shouldn't be your husband. Run.
  • Normal_Air7231 NTA. Even if he was only going for mental health, he's inconsiderate (at the very least) to go to the same place by himself (supposedly) that he went to when having an affair. If the tables were turned, there's no way he'd be okay with you doing that. Both trips were/are for mental health? Yea he'd be finding a different place to live when he gets back, so he can permanently deal with his mental health.
  • Visual-Lobster6625 NTA - he's already proven that he can't be trusted to take a solo mental health trip.
  • XanderKingdom He's going to cheat. Get your affairs in order and have him served at the airport when he returns.
  • Which-Lion-7637 Just tell him "bon voyage." Then while he's packing, you contact a lawyer.
  • ConsistentSalt1009 You might be the a_h_le for staying with him. Sorry. You deserve better. Leave.
  • gophins13 Your husband is an idiot and thinks you are also an idiot. Married people with kids don't get solo vacations in other countries, . Tell him to go, he doesn't care about you or his kids, and leave.
  • Oldsearcher NTA. He's being aj . He should be working on family vacation planning if he wants to keep the family together. He's looking for more strange.
  • According Baseball14 Cheaters cheat. It's what they do. If he goes, you know very well who he will be going there to see. The fact that he wants to go back is alarming. Why did you stay with this man? NTA
  • North-Addendum 7610 Leave him. YTA if you stay. The fact that he cheated should have had you walking, but the mere fact that he is wanting to take the same "solo" vacay and has the nerve to ask for it and then to expect you to be ok with it instead of taking a vacation with you is outrageous. He's still cheating. Guaranteed

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